June 2009
17 posts
Drank a ton of ambrosia and hooked up with Hot Dog. The next day we woke up naked and surrounded by people. We had done it in the memorial hallway. Frak my life.
As Secretary of Transportation, I was 44th in line to be President of the Colonies. Frak My Life.
Ugh, my mom is making me join the New Caprica Police. She says it’ll teach me ‘responsibility.’ Frak my life.
I have kind of a crush on Leoben. I’m drugged and taken to a cell home to await my guard husband. I’m excited, but then John shows up and pulls out his dentures. Frak my life.
I was next on the production line when they decided they had made enough models. That’s why they call me Lucky Number Fourteen. Frak my life.
After years of hard work, today is my first day on the Quorum and I am SO excited. Wait, why is Zarek leaving? Are these marines going to run the rest of the meeting? Oh. I see. Frak my life.
I beat my friend Paul with prince high red over three up in a game of Triad. He told me he’d get me the money today. He just blew himself up in a resistance suicide mission. Frak my life.
My boyfriend and I are both Cylons, and we’ve been having some problems. Last night while he was passed out drunk, I joined his Projection. He was living with another woman on Gemenon. Frak my life.
I’m dating a Sharon. She said she had been feeling distant from me lately and I said I would do anything to make it right. So she plugged herself into my computer and forbade it from accessing porn sites. Frak my life.
I sold antibiotics on the black market on Prometheus. When Apollo killed Phelon, I got scared and stopped. Now I have an STD from a 13-year-old prostitute and don’t have any antibiotics to heal me. Frak my life.
My boyfriend finally proposed to me at Joe’s Bar. The next day, he didn’t remember it at all. He had been doing recreational Doloxan. Frak my life.
I’m a Sagittaron and was diagnosed with Mellorak. A kind but stern doctor convinced me to betray my religion and stay in the hospital. After three weeks, I finally felt well enough to get out of bed and walked around. That’s when I saw the kind, stern doctor again. Three of them. I’m in a Cylon pregnancy farm. Frak my life.
I’m a Number Four and had a Centurion maid who did the laundry. Now that he has free will, he does nothing but listen on the radio to Gaius Baltar and Jimi Hendrix. Frak my life.
Forgot which side of the line was which. Frak my life.
Finally perfected my Centurion design just in time for the Cylon Design Fair. My professional nemesis showed up with what he refers to as ‘Number 6.’ Frak my life.
After 39 years of forgetting, I FINALLY remembered to bring a book out to the space station while I waited for my annual non-meeting with the Cylons. Of course this time they actually showed up. Frak my life.
Spent six years in cullinary school. Finally had the in-laws over for dinner. Had to feed them algae. Frak my life.
May 2009
11 posts
Went out in a Raptor to investigate a mysterious colonial distress signal. It was bait; a Cylon base ship jumped into orbit. I raced back to the fleet only to find they had already spooled up their FTL drives and jumped away. I had left the emergency coordinates in my other blues. Frak my life.
Stumbled upon a planet I was almost sure was Earth: fresh water, protein-packed algae, Tylium, the works. Took a bunch of civilians down there in the Demetrius to begin settlement. That’s when my radiation badge turned black. Frak my life.
Got my gods damned bird stuck in the tube. Frak my life.
The love of my life was killed by Cylons so I shot myself to end the pain forever. Too bad my consciousness just downloaded into another body. Frak my life.
Just caught my girlfriend checking DRADIS while we were having sex. Frak my life.
I just heard a ton of explosions so I ran outside to get the hell off Caprica. Totally forgot I lent my Raptor to my roommate Josh last week so he could visit some friends on Aerilon. Frak my life.
Spent my life savings on an enormous plot of land. It was on New Caprica. Frak my life.
Finally introduced my girlfriend to my parents. She looks identical to their housekeeper. Frak my life.
Got drunk and woke up in the airlock. The keys are right outside. Frak my life.
Waited until marriage to have sex with my wife. We’re now on our honeymoon on Chrion. Her spine just glowed red. Frak my life.
Woke up because I thought someone had turned the radio on. Turns out it was music coming from the walls. Frak my life.